Creeper's Guide To Thanksgiving

1:32 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

Happy Thanksgiving, Creeps! If you’re the creeps we hope you are, you’ve probably isolated yourself with a year of brave decisions, and you’re wondering where you’re going to eat on this most joyous of days. Fret not, because there are still some great options left for you last-minute planners.


The Art Of Giving To Receive

2:21 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

It’s that time of year again, the time when Americans start thinking about what they’re thankful for. Your news feed is probably already starting to clog with thinly veiled brags, where your friends list all the things they have that they know will make you jealous. And yet, despite these annoyances, Thank Goodness It’s Finally November! If there’s one thing to be grateful for this time of year, it’s that Santa Claus and his giant sleigh filled with loot are coming to town. The art of gift giving and receiving is a rich, highly complex subject that weighs on all American minds this time of year. Today’s lesson, Creeps, is The Art of Giving to Receive.


Getting Your Potty On: A Quick Guide To Bathroom Etiquette

3:42 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

You probably think the bedroom is where the magic happens. Well think again!! Contrary to popular belief, the most magical room in a house is actually the crapper. Someone could probably write a whole book on bathroom etiquette as it relates to dating, but you’re a busy woman who doesn’t have time for all that. In the interest of saving you from hours of studying page after page of bathroom wisdom, we’ve provided a quick breakdown for how to get your potty on.


Hot N Sexy Pumpkin Stencils

9:22 AM Robot Love 0 Comments

Condom + Safety Pin = Recipe for Romance
Most of us think Halloween is just a time when prostitutes come out to play. We admit, turning tricks for treats is an integral part of this magical holiday, but hooking is only half of why Halloween is the perfect time to be thinking about love. Halloween is the one day of the year when all of us Creeps can really be our true selves. From revealing our hot bods in skimpy costumes, to sending our lovers special messages on our pumpkins, there is no better time, this side of February, to work your mojo magic. Read on for some hot pumpkin stencils that will turn up the heat this Halloween.


Closing Your Grand Canyon: A Non-Essential Relationship Shutdown Guide

3:43 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

You could be headed for emotional bankruptcy
You’re exhausted. Your coital resources have been stretched thin. Juggling all these balls has been physically exhausting, and unless your endurance ceiling increases, you are going to have a mob of angry dudes knocking at your front door. You need to mitigate the damage. You need to take a page from the U.S. Government, and shut down all non-essential sexual encounters. Max Landis, our Hunk of the Month, sheds some light on this subject in a recent interview


Three Ways To Deal When You’ve Been Dumped

10:24 AM Robot Love 0 Comments

You just can't let him go, can you?
Sigh. It’s happened again. Just when you thought things between you and the Mr. couldn’t be better, he’s gone and dropped you like a bowl of liquid poop after a night of heavy drinking. Whether you’ve been dating for a couple of days or if you’ve been fondling those balls for years on end, break ups tend feel like they are the end of the world. You weren’t enough for this one, and you have a hard time believing you’ll be enough for anyone else. You’re at the point in your life where you constantly need to ask yourself, what is the point of feeling feelings if the only feelings you ever feel end in feeling complete and utter despair?

Your friends won’t answer your calls because they think it’s time you moved on (“you only knew him for like a week!” they bitchily remind you). Your mom never calls you back anyway, even when things are going great. You’ve maxed out your PTO and you’re not even close to turning the corner. You are wallowing, and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop you. WELL LISTEN UP!! You need to stop being such a pathetic, moaning worm. It’s disgusting and it gives women a bad reputation. Your first mistake was giving yourself the free time to give a single shit about a person who thinks less of you than that pair of jeans he’s had since he was 14 years old, and your second mistake was not immediately pulling yourself up by your thong straps and moving on. But you’re, hopefully, a beginner in The Dating Game, so we will cut you some slack. This week we’ll take a look into the world of break ups, starting with the three easy ways to get over your boo when you haven’t been hardwired to move on naturally.


Choosing Your Best Diet Adventure

8:17 AM Robot Love 0 Comments

Being a penis chaser these days usually means feeling insecure about your appearance 99% of the time.  If you've ever picked up a fashion magazine and then looked in the mirror, you know that, even though the doctor says you're healthy, you're actually a disgusting, overweight, cellulite-riddled sack of flab.  The good news is that thanks to our research here at Creep and modern technology, you can change all of that, and there are many ways to go about it.  If you have ever wanted to do something about hating that reflection, we have some tips for you.


FrEaKy FuMbLeZ: Fantasy Footballing Like A Creep

11:00 AM Robot Love 0 Comments

Follow our advice or you'll look like a rookie.
I just drafted my fantasy football team and I’ve gotta admit: it did not go according to plan. From the gunshot that went off right outside my kitchen window 10 seconds after the draft started, to the internet disconnecting every 30 seconds, forcing me to accidentally autodraft TWO ROOKIE KICKERS, it was an all around difficult experience. If I could do it again, I would have stayed at work where the internet is reliable and the pizza is free. As it was, I didn't get to google image search a single player before choosing them, or participate in the witty banter in my league's chat room. live and learn, and then you lose 30 bucks.  

In the interest of saving you a major headache and a minor chunk of change, we have compiled our best advice for this year's fantasy football season. You don't have to be a football fan to get some "bang" for your buck. With our advice and a little luck, you will have the fantasy football season of a lifetime. 


Ask A Creep

1:42 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

Dear Creep,
2 besties in bed. What could possibly go wrong?

What do I do if I want to date my best friend who is HIV positive? He’s the first guy friend that I’ve ever had, and I am totally in love with him.


Boner for Buddy


6 Healthy Relationship Tips

11:44 AM Robot Love 0 Comments

Habit #1: Keeping A Relationship Scorecard

What it is: A relationship scorecard is where you keep a running tally, preferably in a special relationship notebook that you take with you everywhere, of all the wrongs your man has ever committed against you. The idea is to create an accurate and detailed list of everything he’s done wrong so that whenever you’re in a bad mood or trying to teach him a lesson, you can bathe him in the deep and frigid waters of guilt.


Catfishing for Champions

11:38 AM Robot Love 0 Comments

Who he thinks he's talking to   VS    Who he's actually talking to
You’ve finally done it. You’ve convinced that special guy you’ve been chatting up for the past couple months to come meet you *~*Chez Toi*~* for dinner and a little bit of who knows what (sexy time)! It is super easy to blow this chance at lifelong romance.

 Read on  for some great tips on how to reveal your most charming qualities and make an impression he'll never forget....


Hacking the Mack: How to get game spit all over you

10:32 AM Robot Love 0 Comments

Have you ever felt like you’re less than perfect? That was a stupid question, because obviously you’re not perfect. I mean, if you’re reading this, Patti Stanger, you’re clearly the only exception to the rule. Everyone else? Get real.

Every girl longs to be looked at this way.
The trouble with the sexual revolution is that, as society has become more accepting of non-puritanical practices, people have begun to raise their standards. It is no longer enough to be a skank on the street corner, we now have to meet all kinds of ridiculous expectations like “smelling good” or “being talkative and engaging.” Sometimes, it just feels like there’s nothing we can do to get hit on. But that, my dearest lovelies, is why you’re right here, reading this blog.


Making the Crop: How to Fashion a Strong Presence on His Instagram Feed

11:36 AM Robot Love 0 Comments

The secret to a healthy, lasting relationship is a strong photo presence on Instagram. Guys like to brag about their women, and these days, the best way to brag is by inundating everyone’s news feeds with pictures of all the great times he’s having with you. It can be easy to slip into the “comfort” zone when you’re spending every waking moment with a dude. After enough time, you start to let things slide, fooling yourself into believing that you don’t have to spend your mornings washing, drying, ironing, teasing, and spraying your hair into perfection.  One poorly planned outfit could be the difference between a snap happy day and a night on Shutterless Island. That’s why we’ve compiled a list of “firsts” to be prepared for, because if your man don’t post, your relationship is toast.


How To Milk The Connubial Cow

11:45 AM Robot Love 0 Comments

Don't let yourself be outshined.
This weekend I attended a gorgeous wedding at a private estate. It was filled with plenty of tear-jerking moments, from the look of the father as he gave the bride away, to touching toasts to the happy couple, but the thing that brought me to my knees was the shocking fact that no one had outdone the bride.  It was immediately apparent that most everyone had forgotten the most important, unwritten rule of weddings: always look better than the bride.


Is this relationship, like, over?

12:22 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

Forehead kisses: A sure sign that he is over you.
You're seeing the signs and it seems like your man has LOST INTEREST.  This is a tricky situation to be in because you, like, still love this guy or whatever. I'm going to be the first of many people who will tell you: you can't fall into this terrible trap, you must extricate yourself immediatelySoooo, but wait, you're saying, maybe I can still make it work, maybe I can change or go to relationship therapy.  Wake the hell up sister, you've gotta get real and get over it.  The only way you can get out of this situation with your dignity intact is for you to preemptively dump your man.


Fashion Fails: The Ugly Truth about Style

4:22 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

Hipster Dad or Really Bad?
Though some men may want you to believe otherwise, love is not blind. The fashiondisabled men out there have been conspiring, since the early nineties, to make women believe that it’s not the outside that counts. If you’ve met a man and he’s making you feel funny, in that “I don’t think this is the trendy kind of ironic” way, you need to listen to your gut. When the glow of newness fades, and you start to see your dude the way the rest of the world sees him, all you will be left with is a pair of saggy balls and a pile of tickets from the fashion police.


Major Hotties

1:39 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

This girl learned a thing or two in school. 
When my mother took me to check out colleges, she had a clearly defined agenda: finding me some Serious Marriage Material (SMM). At the conclusion of our first campus tour, when our guides asked if we had any questions about the school, my mom had the question we were all trying to work up the guts to ask: what percentage of incoming freshmen end up getting married to someone they meet here?


It's the Bachelorette final FOUR, baby

12:01 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

Drill, Baby, Drill
This morning I watched The Bachelorette on my laptop, nursing my hangover with Chinese food and wondering if people do still own televisions This week on the show was hometown dates, which can certainly be memorable (especially for the guy who goes home the day after introducing his hot new girlfriend to his family).  Unfortunately, the last four standing this season are complete normies, with the pasty white families to prove it.  First up was poor Zak, my personal choice for next season's Bachelor, though I would assume at this point that it's going to be Chris.
    Zak is the guy who drills for oil in bumble-fuck Texas, who the producers hilariously still refer to as Zak W., Drilling Fluid Engineer. While all the other remaining four Bachelor hunks have moonlit as male models, Zak actually seems like he's got some brains in that sad head-cavity of his. 


Ask a Creep

3:44 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

Dear Creep,
The guy I have been dating just relapsed on meth and got sent away to a detox program. This was the first time I had tons of sex in 28 months, so it really sucks. How do I move on from this?
Horny Creeper 

Dear Horny, 

   I'm having a shitty day and what I want to do is tell you how fucking bored in the face your post makes me--but I digress.  I would like to first congratulate you on finding a partner who is on the same page as you sexually. Sexual compatibility is important because the alternative is you end up like these sad ladies.  That said, there are lots of reasons why it's okay to compromise a little in the bedroom. Sometimes, stupid things like: personality and a sense of humor, outweigh the benefits of having sex that leaves you raw and semi-comatose. 


Beasts - A Pretty Good Option

9:42 AM Robot Love 0 Comments

Most guys just CAN'T get enough eggs!
In your little town, full of little people, the dateable guys for you to choose from are few and far between. You’re probably surrounded by provincial nobodies who are obsessed with hunting and eating eggs. Is it so much to ask that there be one dude who is literate and worthy of your beauty? If you’ve found yourself in such a situation, there is reason to sing out! Chances are, there’s a beast in a castle, living right in your backyard.


You Have Got to Start Planning Your Wedding NOW

12:33 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

Every Creep knows that nailing down a good venue for your wedding needs to be done years in
advance.  This is why it's so important to start planning for your dream day even before you have your dream man.   With gay weddings legalized like, everywhere that matters, planning the perfect day will only become increasingly competitive.  As every vagina-having human knows, a wedding has nothing to do with that dude we're shacking up with for the next 5-10 years and very little to do with love.  The point of a wedding is to make all your bitch friends really jealous of you and also to look much, much hotter than them while you do it.  With so many details to get absolutely perfect, there is no better time than RIGHT NOW to start getting it all right.


Expiration Dating

12:02 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

After spending the past 36 hours crying my eyes out in bed, mourning Cory Montieth’s sudden death, I am starting to realize something. A little part of me died with my TV boyfriend on Saturday. A little part of me will never come back, and I lose this part each time a relationship ends; it’s the part of me that gives a fuck.

Dating gets boring. Every time you meet a dude, you go on that obligatory dinner date, maybe you drink too much, and take him home with you. Inevitably, he gets attached, and you start having to deal with his constant phone calls and clingy need for attention. Maybe he pokes you on facebook and you are expected to poke back  (there’s 2 seconds of your life you’ll never get back).  Maybe he starts to expect you to be free on the weekends. Whatever his demands, you’ve dealt with them before and they turn you off every time. After three weeks he thinks he could really be falling for you (yawn), so you begin planning your exit strategy.


It PAYS to be FreAkY

9:54 AM Robot Love 0 Comments

Daniel Craig, yeah, I'd flog that
We over here are not usually in the business of telling people how to enjoy, or at the very least, tolerate the sex you're having with whatever man-meat you've dragged into the bedroom, but when science shows a creeper what's what, we have a hard time rationalizing not forcing everyone to worship at the altar of TRUTH. A recent study done by a University in the Netherlands shows that practitioners of BDSM are likely to feel more confident and less crazy than their Vanilla counterparts.  We at Creep recommend that you break out those whips and chains and get your freak on.  Remember: now that you have a new hobby, learn the ground rules. Make sure to come up with a safe word, you don't want to accidentally kill your lover.  It would be hard to argue that you were defending yourself if your guy is bruised, bloodied and hogtied on your bedroom floor. Another tip for enjoying BDSM is to KEEP TRYING even if you might not, 'like it' at first.  The only way you're going to learn to love kinky sex is if you are persistent.

You can read more about the study here.


"Accidental" Shopping Sprees

8:23 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

This lil creep knows how to get what she wants.

So you’re sitting around at your boyfriend’s house, waiting for him to get out of the shower, when you notice his cell phone is just sitting right there, on the other side of his house. And what’s this? No password to unlock it?! While most dating sites would tell you that this is the prime time for a little snooping (only his texts, emails, chats, and facebook of course, you’re already privy to all that there is on instagram), it’s our opinion that your first move should be opening up his EBay app. Only yesterday, a 14 month old creep bought herself a vintage car on her dad’s smartphone. It’s an honest mistake that anyone could make, so why shouldn’t you be the one to make it?


Surviving your beach ROMANCE

3:39 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

Many of you may be thinking, I want to find a summer fling, some beach bum hottie I can use like a Shamwow and then discard at the end of summer.  But, you're also thinking: I saw Sharknado last night and I'd rather not be thrashed and shredded by a shark flying through the air, total fucking bummer.  While I totally understand and sympathize, with this completely rational fear, there are other pressing dangers to romancing by the shore. We've got your dpf (douche bag protection factor) right here, along with your shark stabbing pool cue and chainsaw through the jaws.
 photo UdaDvx8_zps3117cee2.gif
She's a real heart breaker


MasterChef – Dating Edition

10:11 AM Robot Love 0 Comments

The first dish that we would like to taste is... Gordon Ramsay! We can’t tell you how many hours we’ve lost, dreaming about him whisking us away in his convertible with his cute french bulldog in our lap, taking us to his penthouse suite so he can force feed us lemon meringue and repeatedly call us “donkey.” But, unless our name is Sarah Symonds, and we're creeping professionally, this won’t be happening to us anytime soon. That doesn’t mean that the fantasy completely has to die. When things start to get boring with the old ball and chain (as they always do), instead of calling for takeout, it’s time to bust out the old apron and get your guy behind the stove.


Arguing to win

1:07 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

Yet another 'scientific' study shows what all you creepers should know by now: everything is power based and WINNING! In a study of 498 married people, the individuals were asked to think back on one argument and what their stupid, always wrong, spouse could do to make them stop being so dumb all the time. Surprise, when the answers were categorized a majority had to do with power or specifically, the relinquishment of. I mean, duh if you're the more right person, you should make all the decisions.  It's important to not fight but it's more important to be in charge--important enough to fuel most fights.  Steps towards harmony include convincing your partner he is always wrong and giving lots of blow jobs.


King Joffrey – The Hottest Guy, Ever.

8:33 AM Robot Love 0 Comments

The definition of Dreamboat.

If there is one man in the seven kingdoms who deserves all the blow jays, it’s King Joffrey Baratheon. One part Jaime, one part Cercei, one hundred percent sweet boning magic, this guy is where it’s at. Joffrey knows how to rule with an iron hand, and an iron dick. So like, duhhh, you know every girl wants to sit upon his iron throne. 

*SpOiLeR aLeRt*


How to dump your man like you mean it

7:23 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

Part of being a player is knowing how and when to give your man the pink slip.  Sometimes a bitch has to chose a main dick and sometimes she has to let one go, that's the cycle of creepin'.   You just never know what your man is going to do that will cause you to have a change of heart.  Maybe he's got his mom's cell stored under 'first love', maybe he wears those fingered shoes or sounds like a Keebler elf when he talks--whatever it is, he's made himself ineligible to squirt on your gene pool.


Thirsty Thursday: The Cherry Bomb

5:15 PM Robot Love 0 Comments


When a Bitch is a Bitch Face

2:16 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

Kristen Stewart, classic bitch-face
Way back in 2004, when we lived in a pre-post-racial society, I was first nicknamed 'bitch face.' Fast forward through some minor plastic surgery, to now today-world, the term has expanded to, 'bitchy resting face' and all of the sudden it's become science.  All misogyny aside, there are so many reasons to embrace your exterior bitch.  While the insecure and uninitiated would see 'bitch' as some sort of insult, I see it as my amazon call, the black shoe polish under the linebacker's eyes, the junk yard dog in the junk yard.

If you look at the most powerful women in the world, sure they know how to smile, but they are also hard bitches through and through.  A woman's expression is hers to distribute as she pleases, if she smiled all the time you'd think you were doing something right (you're actually fucking up) and self esteem would skyrocket (dangerously). Now, I get the urge to be universally liked--it's what drives politicians to lie and Gweneth Paltrow towards self-righteousness--but being disliked is always the likelier outcome of your efforts (Goopy, just stop, it's embarrassing). 


Your man's testes have tasters

11:35 AM Robot Love 0 Comments

Yeah, you know why if it's good it's, "balls deep." Now, science explains why: testicles have taste receptors. These taste receptors are everywhere on our bodies, even in our butts (we can have that conversation another time). Apparently, when you take the taste receptors away from the balls, it causes sterility. A new form of birth control?

You can check out the study here


Strategic Cat Planning

11:10 AM Robot Love 0 Comments

You can even take steps to make yourself look more cat-like!
There comes a point in every woman’s life when she has to make a choice. Will she leap into the tepid waters of her 30’s as a sacred goddess and adopt a cute and sexy cat, or will she she lose her confidence and forever look lovingly into the watery dead eyes of a lapdog? While there may be merits to both, if your goal is to snag a man on the quick, you’re going to need to get saddled up with a couple bags of Fresh Step and catch yourself a kitty.

Men love pussy. Some may call it hormones, some may call it toxoplasma gondii, and yet others will call it good taste. For whatever the reason, men equate cats with purrrfection.



1:34 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

Sup hoes, The Washington Post reports, "researchers from the University of Arizona found that, for couples who cooperate well, men tend to mimic their partner’s mood while women try to regulate their partner’s emotions."  While it's always good to be skeptical of government funded pseudo-scientific studies, anything that bolsters the argument (reality) that the top dog is always a bitch, gets a pass around here. 

You can read the entire article here.


Thirsty Thursday: The Frankenstein

9:46 AM Robot Love 0 Comments



Unlocking your hidden potential

8:55 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

We all know that guys like a challenge. When we constantly beg them for moments of their time, just the tiniest bit of attention, they shut down and ignore us, causing us to suffer. We sit for hours, staring at a picture of our man (the one we bribed the receptionist at his office to take) hoping that our undying attention will manifest itself into reciprocal emotion. Maybe if we love him hard enough, or pay enough attention to every detail about him, he will see how truly wonderful we are…

Wake UP, ladies! It’s time to face the truth. Guys want someone special, someone whose moves they can’t predict. The only way to catch a man is to be elusive, and to be elusive, you must be versatile. You may believe that mothering your three cats makes you versatile enough, but girl, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. A real woman of mystery is more complex, harder to pin down. The true woman of versatility has not one personality, but many, which she can summon forth at a moment’s notice. Read on to unlock your hidden potential...


Thirsty Thursday: Ahwahnee Get Lucky

10:58 AM Robot Love 0 Comments


Thirsty Thursday: A Drink for Violet Rose

1:56 PM Robot Love 0 Comments


Five Steps to Sex-ify Your Room

8:23 AM Robot Love 0 Comments

So you’ve met that special someone and you’re ready to take the relationship to the next level… the Sex Level. The only problem is that your bedroom is totally generic and bland.

What with your boring posters and white walls, you seriously have no idea how a dude could pop a boner in there. 

FEAR NOT! By following these five simple steps, you can turn snooze central into sexy station.


How to be popular like Amanda Bynes

3:20 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

If you’ve been anywhere near the internet this past month, you’ve probably noticed how much ATTENTION that Amanda Bynes has been getting from the media.  With over 1 million followers on twitter she is finally having her day in the sun.  If you want to be top dog like Amanda follow her cue. We’ve done our research and now we want to share the simple steps you can take to better emulate your new bestie, Amanda Bynes and catch your dream boy. You may not be “in the Mary-Kate and Ashley type of wealth [category],” but hey, if you have both thumbs and twitter account, you've already won half of the battle.


Drinking & Dating

10:24 AM Robot Love 1 Comments

Think back to the funnest night you’ve had in the last couple months. Were you drinking that night? If you’re the average person, the answer to that question is: yEeEsSsS!! #yolo #becomeadonor #myliverhurts. Drinking makes everything better, and that includes dating. If you are with a potential mate, we advise you to impose a three drink minimum, but if that guy is cute, you will obviously multiply that number by three.

We’ve sifted through countless “case studies” (personal experience) and have boiled down the top 7 reasons why you should open up that gullet and chug. 


Don’t let that man turn into your missed connection!

11:50 AM Robot Love 0 Comments

You know what I’m talking about here.  You see the guy (what a hunk!) and your tongue turns to rubber and your knees give out—all that confidence you’ve been building up in zumba class turns to nothing, just like that—it really makes you think, what is the point of exercising anyway?  I mean, we gals do everything we can to inflate our self esteem and then that rando babe, who just cut in line for the ATM, makes us lose our freaking cool?  Well, I personally can’t answer that question for you because I have abnormally high self esteem but for you losers out there, we have some great tips for how to keep your cool around that stranger who's smoking hot.


Choosing the Right Ho-Tag

10:28 AM Robot Love 0 Comments

We live in the age of advertisements. Our Facebook news feeds are crammed with them, our youtubes are slowed by them, and our favorite man to dream about while teasing the tuna taco makes them. Ads are everywhere, and can be placed anywhere, which means, little lady, that you may not be taking full advantage of the ad space you’ve been given.

“What the frick does that mean?” you might be asking.

Well, you probably already knew that wearing a Nike swoosh across your boobs says to the world, “I only blow athletic dudes,” but did you realize that you can send guys messages on your SKIN TOO?!?! After extensive amounts of research, we’ve found five lower back tattoos that even Don Draper would be sold on.


everyone just needs some warm arms sometimes

10:28 AM Robot Love 0 Comments


How To Get Cinderella’s Guy

9:22 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

Have you ever seen
that guy? That guy who, when you walk into a room, pulls your eyes to him like a magnet set on hyperdrive? God, you look at that guy and your eyes kind of cross because you’re like: Woah. Your face. So beautiful. Can’t. Look. Away.

Yeah, we’ve all seen that guy. And we’ve all reveled in the moment of possibility when he could totally be single, when he could totally be the one...


Managing your Man

1:42 PM Robot Love 0 Comments


So, you’ve found your dream boy (finally), but he’s got all this BAGGAGE.  Okay, some of this baggage isn’t going away. Those annoying parents? Yeah, you can’t send them to rot in Florida, so you’d better just get used to having those farts around.  That really boring and UNATTRACTIVE dog he owns?  It’s like his child (thank god he doesn’t have one of those), so again, stuck with it.  Then there are the things that are easier to deal with: he has a stupid wardrobe? Well, burn it, duh.  A subscription to FHM?  Cancel it, stupid.
Get them inebriated and then attack!
And then, worst of all, there are those icky, stupid, stinky, unmotivated blobs of life that he calls his BEST FRIENDS.  You know, the friends he’s known since 10th grade, when they met and became close because they both liked smoking pot and happened to go to the same school—ah, the stuff lifelong friendships are made of.  By this point you know that when you bring up how much you hate his friends it doesn’t go too go well.  And you’re thinking, “Help me! How do I get rid of these guys?” If he’s had these friends as long as I’m assuming he’s had them, they are like family to him, you just can’t disown them for him.  Also, if you tell him you don’t want him hanging out with these losers, he might think you’re “controlling” or maybe even “psychopathic,” which is the exact opposite image you want to cultivate for your dream lover (“I’m not crazy, I’m not crazy!”).  So you’re thinking now, “Oh my god, there isn’t anything I can do—I’m stuck getting brunch with these ass-wipes for the rest of my life”—but fear not, Gentle Reader, because I have some sure-fire ways to get these boobs out of your life for good. 


So You Don't Make the Same Mistake that JJ Made

2:22 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

Hello my darlings,

Today the internet has gifted us with some great examples of what to do, and what not to do, when it comes to post-sex texts. The following texts are a classic example of how easy it is to cross the line from being cute, communicative, and passionate, to being a slutty bitch who makes people uncomfortable to be around. I'll analyze each screen shot, pointing out for you what works, and what hurts.

 First off the bat, we would like to congratulate JJ on her aggressive texting approach. This is the year 2013, people. Women no longer have to wait for men to initiate the first post-coital communication. JJ's instinct to spend all of her free time with Kevin is exactly the kind of thing we encourage. It shows your man that you are available, interested, and not a hermit-loser. We'd like to add that the winky face was an excellent flirty touch, as evinced by Kevin's willingness to wink back at her.