"Accidental" Shopping Sprees
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| This lil creep knows how to get what she wants. |
So you’re sitting around at your boyfriend’s house, waiting
for him to get out of the shower, when you notice his cell phone is just sitting
right there, on the other side of his house. And what’s this? No password to
unlock it?! While most dating sites would tell you that this is the prime time for
a little snooping (only his texts, emails, chats, and facebook of course, you’re
already privy to all that there is on instagram), it’s our opinion that your
first move should be opening up his EBay app. Only yesterday, a 14 month old creep
bought herself a vintage car on her dad’s smartphone. It’s an honest mistake
that anyone
could make, so why shouldn’t you be the one to make it?
The extent of the damage you can do depends on three things:
the limit on your man’s credit card, the apps he’s got on his phone, and the
length of time that he spends in the shower. While you may be tempted to put
down the phone and run back to bed the second the water shuts off, it’s really
better to get caught red handed. As he approaches you, shout “oh crap! I was
trying to check the weather and I think I might have just bought something.”
This statement not only reveals your innocence, it helps you avoid that awkward
situation two weeks later, when his credit card statement and a truckload of
goodies arrives at his door. The best part is, because it’s a mistake, you’re
completely exempt from any kind of monetary reimbursement.
It’s important to choose items that he would never want to
keep for himself. Fine china, Prada purses, and Manolo Blahniks are great
examples of things to splurge on.The less applicable to his daily life the item, the more likely he is to let you keep it. Since you only have so much time to browse, make a wishlist the day before your date. This ensures that you'll be able to come out with a great haul.
The only downside to accidental shopping sprees is that, once the purchases have been made, you've committed yourself to about two more weeks with this dude. If he is particularly clingy and gross, you can always schedule a getaway weekend with the 'rents (free food, more smartphone access) to get him out of your hair for a while.
With a little luck, your loot will arrive within a few days. Pick your stuff up from his place, give him a little kiss on the cheek, and then forget to return any of his calls or texts. If you're doing it right, the new duds you'll be rocking will ensure that your next victim has a much higher spending limit.
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