Is this relationship, like, over?
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| Forehead kisses: A sure sign that he is over you. |
Before you're ready to cut those pounds of man flesh out of your life, you have to make sure that you're reading the cues he's giving you correctly. You don't want to preempt a breakup if one is actually not inevitable. If you think this might be over, you've probably felt this way for some time. Heck, even if you don't really want to break up, you might have some clues on your side that you are ready for the end too. Do you call your boyfriend a "stupid shit"? Are 90% of the words you say to him curses? Have you ever considered that running him over with a car would be a logical thing to do? These are a few super real signs that you are actually no longer in love with your one and only.
If things seem peachy on your end, how can you tell if your man is actually totally over it? One easy clue is that he talks about other chicks. Even if these are like work friends or 'platonic friends,' if he starts giving you all sorts of info on these loser sluts you can pretty much guarantee he's ready to put his d in some strange p. Did Tanya get her wisdom teeth out and was out of the office for a , came back looking like a chipmunk, and like, it was cute or something? Or did his friend Jenny buy a new car and he can't stop telling you, about how excited he is to take it for a spin? These are both euphemisms. Taking a car out means he wants to have road sex and clearly he's looking to get some oral action from Tanya, she keeps her mouth in working order. Be suspicious of all women he's friends with because everyone knows, the only reason guys have women in their lives is to suck at their teat.
So you're convinced he's not trying to bang his girl friends (they are all ugly anyway) but do his genitals work around you? Is he able to maintain an erection while looking deep into your glazed over eyes? If he can't get it up, he's probably looking to get out. Maybe the simple answer is he wants to put it in a man, or maybe he's actually a freak in bed and can't get up the courage to ask you to dress like a furry. Whatever it is, don't give him the chance to come clean to you or ask you to legitimize his freakish desires. A guy without a boner is about as useful as a fish in an ice cream cone; the cone is not only worthless, it's disgusting.
Another clear sign that he's had enough of you is that he's keeps trying to get away and hang out with other people. Like, the point of dating is to hang out all of the time, that's what a relationship is, duh. You can't trust a guy who is always avoiding you. I mean, are you going to spend your life dialing his number and cyber-stalking his new linked-in connections? Don't tolerate this sort of nonsense, it's totally grounds to ban your man from pound town. If you can't have him all the time, he's not worth your time.
Even if your man still likes hanging out with you, it still could mean the end is nigh. Maybe you catch him in a constant state of wistfulness, maybe his attitude has begun to stink about romance in general. When you watch The Bachelorette together, is he cynical about Des's chances of finding love? Does every rom com you watch with him end in a tear-fest because, 'happy endings aren't real?' Well it's time for you to get real, this dude is totally over it. You gotta find your happy ending and that's gonna come after this sad sack is outta your life.
While every relationship is different, it pays to pay attention to the clues he gives you. If you aren't sure, don't ask, just assume the worst. It's so much easier living your life if you avoid all critical thought. So when in doubt, just throw him out. There's always more fish in the sea, if you're into that kind of thing.
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