Winking, Blinking, and Pinking: Three surefire ways to show a man you're down with his bad self

1:06 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

The lights are low. The air is heavy with bodily fluids. Strobe lights flash in epileptic fits and I slowly slurp my Sex With An Alligator. To quote a famous poet, "From across the room I can see it and can't stop myself from looking and noticing you, noticing me." What is it that you're looking at? Do I have something in my teeth? Has my hair gone flat? No, no, no, your look is one of hunger and self-satisfaction. You like something about me. So now what do I do?

If you've got boobs, or moobs, and a pair of heels, I can guarantee that the above scenario has happened to you at least once in your life. And, like most average biotches, chances are that you've lacked the necessary skills to act on his apparent interest. You tense up, you blush, you look away. Sugarlump, if you don’t
step it up, you're going to spend the rest of your life in your mildewy apartment, dressing your cats up in prom dresses, playing "Battlefield" by Jordin Sparks on repeat while the leftovers from last night's TV dinner reheat in the microwave. If this kind of existence frightens you, read on.