When a Bitch is a Bitch Face

2:16 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

Kristen Stewart, classic bitch-face
Way back in 2004, when we lived in a pre-post-racial society, I was first nicknamed 'bitch face.' Fast forward through some minor plastic surgery, to now today-world, the term has expanded to, 'bitchy resting face' and all of the sudden it's become science.  All misogyny aside, there are so many reasons to embrace your exterior bitch.  While the insecure and uninitiated would see 'bitch' as some sort of insult, I see it as my amazon call, the black shoe polish under the linebacker's eyes, the junk yard dog in the junk yard.

If you look at the most powerful women in the world, sure they know how to smile, but they are also hard bitches through and through.  A woman's expression is hers to distribute as she pleases, if she smiled all the time you'd think you were doing something right (you're actually fucking up) and self esteem would skyrocket (dangerously). Now, I get the urge to be universally liked--it's what drives politicians to lie and Gweneth Paltrow towards self-righteousness--but being disliked is always the likelier outcome of your efforts (Goopy, just stop, it's embarrassing). 


If there is one thing every woman who walks down the street knows, it's that smiles and happy faces don't exactly say I'm friendly, as much as they say, "I'm crazy" or "rape me."  If there would be a genetic payoff for women to look anything besides beautiful, it would be unapproachable.  You can call it 'bitchy,' and connote something negative, but what you're really saying is, "she's smart." If people want to feel intimidated by that, that's their problem.

While we can't blame a bitch for wanting to look the way she wants, it shouldn't be to please no one but herself.  Forcing yourself to smile, if you don't want to, is akin to forcing yourself to be white: you can try if you aren't but it's going to hurt. With every anthropomorphic fetish, come the ambulance chasers of the medical profession--plastic surgeons. It's their job to profit off of societies collective insecurities and it's our job to not give a flying fuck.  The most attractive woman is the most confident one, so bear your face in all it's bitchy glory. 

 You look like a bitch? Well enjoy it, at least they didn't call you ugly. Next time someone tells you to smile or asks you what's wrong, tell them to go fuck themselves.  I mean, for all I know, there is actually something really wrong with you but isn't it easier to assume everything is okay?


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