Beasts - A Pretty Good Option
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| Most guys just CAN'T get enough eggs! |
In your little town, full of little people, the dateable
guys for you to choose from are few and far between. You’re probably surrounded
by provincial nobodies who are
obsessed with hunting and eating eggs. Is it so much to ask that there be one
dude who is literate and worthy of your beauty? If you’ve found yourself in
such a situation, there is reason to sing out! Chances are, there’s a beast in
a castle, living right in your backyard.
Beasts get a bad rap.
For one thing, they are total Monet’s; as you approach one, you start to notice
all the hairy details and lack of (face) definition. People are so busy judging
them, that they are blinded to their fabulous wealth and other hot qualities.
Ladies, open your EYES!
First and foremost, beasts are loaded. Just like Patti
Stanger’s millionaires, they’ve already got the most important thing that you
need: financial security. On the outside, you see a dude who is just screaming
for a makeover, but inside lies the key to your happiness (and to a
Lamborghini). And like Patti’s millionaires, one simple conversation can
forever change who they are at their core. Yes, it’s really that simple.
If you can’t get over your beast’s ugly looks then waltz
yourself into the library. Beasts always come with libraries because they lack
conversational skills. In your library, you’ll find thousands of books, each
filled with stories that you can get lost in. While he’s grunting on top of you
each night, you can just close your eyes and imagine that he’s Christian Grey, and he’s very unhappy with your recent behavior.
If your beast is getting you down, you can also distract
yourself by ordering his servants about. Most servants are also trained in
performance and musical arts, so feel free to request musical song and dance
numbers as they serve you dinner each night. Don’t forget: you’re the best
thing that’s ever happened to them, and they will do anything to keep you in
their lives. It's to your advantage to keep these people busy with a variety of tasks. They have to be able to think on their feet, because you never know when one of your jealous exes will come barging through your front door.
With enough time and effort, your beast will undergo a
transformation right before your eyes. If you can find it in your heart to love
this shaggy freak, one day he will transform into a handsome prince. Don’t fool
yourself, though. To everyone else, he’s still a beast.
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