Unlocking your hidden potential
We all know that guys like a challenge. When we constantly beg them for moments of their time, just the tiniest bit of attention, they shut down and ignore us, causing us to suffer. We sit for hours, staring at a picture of our man (the one we bribed the receptionist at his office to take) hoping that our undying attention will manifest itself into reciprocal emotion. Maybe if we love him hard enough, or pay enough attention to every detail about him, he will see how truly wonderful we are…
Wake UP, ladies! It’s time to face the truth. Guys want someone special, someone whose moves they can’t predict. The only way to catch a man is to be elusive, and to be elusive, you must be versatile. You may believe that mothering your three cats makes you versatile enough, but girl, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. A real woman of mystery is more complex, harder to pin down. The true woman of versatility has not one personality, but many, which she can summon forth at a moment’s notice. Read on to unlock your hidden potential...
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| Britney is the essence of versatility and hotness. |
1. Sense of Humor
2. Intelligent and Creative
3. Thoughtful
4. Perceptive or Noticing Details
5. Adventurous
6. Confident/Playful
7. Talent and Knowledge
8. Attentive
9. Being a Challenge
10. Aggressive
11. Teasing, Tension, and Sexual Mastery
12. Assertive
13. Unpredictable/Predictable.
The next time you’re on a date with your man, try combining a couple of these traits. If you want your man to fall head over heels for you, mix sense of humor with noticing details and being aggressive. Tell him, “I saw you liking six of Bambi Smith’s posts on facebook today, you must really like her. I mean it’s like you are totally thinking about her all the time,” and then punch his arm really hard and spit at him. If he crinkles his nose and squints his eyes, you can be sure that this fish has been hooked, and it’s time to start reeling him in.
For your next move, combine a sense of adventurousness with being confident and playful, and being a challenge. Just rip open your shirt and shove your boobs into his face, but as his hand gravitates toward your luxurious pillows, which are just begging to be fluffed, quickly pull away, screaming “rape!” at the top of your lungs. If your man responds by jumping to his feet and yelling “What The Fuck?!” you can bet that your versatile acts are starting to pay off. This boy has no idea what your next move will be, and he is totally falling in love with you because of it.
You’re not in the clear yet, faithful reader. These combinations are just half of your journey. It’s not enough for you to just be a single, versatile woman. The key is to be multiple versatile women. Wherever you are, try to imagine the person who is least likely to be there. At brunch with his family? You must become a dominatrix, whipping your cat’s leash at your man, telling him to get on all fours on top of the table, and shoving an apple in his mouth. Checking out the new Picasso exhibit? Become a belligerently drunk blind person, cackling about how you can’t see anything, but it’s probably shit anyways, in between sips from the flask in your purse and making loud burps and farts. Just when he thinks he’s got you figured out, you’ll turn the tables of versatility and surprise him with yet another sexy facet of your personality.
Consider the alternative:
You behave as expected, never doing anything to surprise him. Slowly you find that there is nothing to talk about. Quickly your sex appeal fades. With each day that passes, you become increasingly similar to an arthritic, varicose skin bag whose saggy tits aren’t even worth the calories he would burn squeezing them. He stops asking you to dinner. You find yourself alone, gorging yourself on chalupas and cool whip.
Don’t let this happen to you! Remember, some of the most enchanting beauties are versatile. Think Britney Spears. Think Amanda Bynes, Lindsay Lohan, Courtney Love. Contradict every impression he has gotten of you and keep him guessing! Because once he realizes you’re just like everyone else, he’ll be gone out your door and looking for more.
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