So You Don't Make the Same Mistake that JJ Made

2:22 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

Hello my darlings,

Today the internet has gifted us with some great examples of what to do, and what not to do, when it comes to post-sex texts. The following texts are a classic example of how easy it is to cross the line from being cute, communicative, and passionate, to being a slutty bitch who makes people uncomfortable to be around. I'll analyze each screen shot, pointing out for you what works, and what hurts.

 First off the bat, we would like to congratulate JJ on her aggressive texting approach. This is the year 2013, people. Women no longer have to wait for men to initiate the first post-coital communication. JJ's instinct to spend all of her free time with Kevin is exactly the kind of thing we encourage. It shows your man that you are available, interested, and not a hermit-loser. We'd like to add that the winky face was an excellent flirty touch, as evinced by Kevin's willingness to wink back at her.

  Here, JJ is showing Kevin that she values herself and her time, which makes her appear more sexy to Kevin. If he doesn't want to drop his plans for her, he can FORGET her! She is also showing him her strong attention to detail, a very sexy skill to have. She knew exactly what he was supposed to be doing because he told her so on their date. Obviously his plans couldn't have changed in the course of 9 hours. Obviously Kevin is a LIAR.

 So far JJ is acting exactly as we would advise her to. She is being direct and aggressive, much like one has to be when potty training a stupid puppy. You see, in this situation Kevin is a stupid puppy, begging to be trained. At the same time, JJ is also showing Kevin her vulnerable side, her lonely side. "I don't have any friends Kevin, thats why I ask to hang out." Pure gold, JJ, keep it up.

These texts are all an excellent way of showing Kevin how human, and how raw JJ can be. We can only assume that he is unable to text her back because his heart is overcome by love for her, and his hands are probably covered in lube, and he doesn't want to ruin his phone and lose the ability to text her back.

Here we have more of the same. He is probably overcome with passion for her by now, which explains his lack of response.

It's amazing how perceptive JJ is being here. Ladies, listen up. If you EVER doubt that your man loves and wants to be with you, whether it's because he's not texting you back, whether he's viewing your Facebook messages and not responding, or whether you've left 27 voicemails on each of his phone numbers and he still hasn't called you back, the BEST course of action you can take is to go to his house and get a face to face meeting. Some boys don't have good reading comprehension, and it would be a shame for a relationship to end, just because he didn't get what you were saying in your last 52 emails.

"Look im going to wait for u in this parking lot right by ur house" is the most romantic thing she could have said. 10 bonus points, JJ. He is probably going nuts just trying to get home to meet you.

Oh, JJ, this is POETRY! Life is like the movies, and this is the perfect way for you to remind him that you are there, waiting at his house, all night long, but not in a weird way, in a sweet, star-crossed lovers way.
And here we see JJ making her big mistake. JJ, what are you doing sending Kevin a text that is supposed to go to Mike?! Don't you know that boys are possessive and get jealous super easily?! We hate to break it to you kiddo, but the damage has been done. As you can see by the final texts of this conversation, Kevin is over JJ. She really screwed up. What an idiot.

Really, JJ? Another date already? Why are you telling him this? He'll never want to see you again!

JJ, we truly feel your pain, but even an idiot could see where you went wrong. I sincerely hope that you will learn from this experience and in the future, you won't ruin a perfectly amazing, once-in-a-lifetime romance by getting your man jealous. Remember: be aggressive, be emotional, be trusting, be confusing, be poetic, but whatever you do, don't be a slut!