Ask A Creep

1:42 PM Robot Love 0 Comments

Dear Creep,

2 besties in bed. What could possibly go wrong?

What do I do if I want to date my best friend who is HIV positive? He’s the first guy friend that I’ve ever had, and I am totally in love with him.

Love, 

Boner for Buddy


Dear Boner,

I hate to break it to you, but in this kind of situation, there is just no good advice that I can give you. If this is your first guy friend, and he’s also your best friend, there is practically nothing I can say to persuade you to keep that gun in the holster. Most people learn by making mistakes, massive mistakes that injure everyone they hold dear and which rip their lives completely apart. Part of growing up is making the kind of mistakes that you will regret for the rest of your life. Think about it. If you didn’t try to transcend the bonds of platonic friendship, what would you have to obsess over in the crumbling, decaying final years of your life? So do what you have to do. You may wake up one day, 20 years from now, dying of AIDS, without a friend in the world to cling to, wishing you’d never made a move on this guy. At least, my friend, you will have something to think about that keeps you up at night. Something that makes you wonder… “what if?”



Dear Creep,

Bad timing, Mom!!!

Love,

Hot Shower Situation

Dear Hot Shower,

Yours is a common problem that our readers experience. Your biggest problem is that you live with your mom. The Recession may have sucked, but are you seriously trying to tell yourself that you can’t get your ass down to the Red Light District and turn the 3 tricks that it takes to get a month’s rent? I’m assuming your boyfriend also lives with his mom, because why else would you be having sex in the shower at your mom’s house while she’s home? Your second problem is timing. Couldn’t you have waited until your mom left to buy groceries to bang your boo? Maybe you wanted your mom to know that you were getting some action after a long dry spell? Whatever caused you to make these poor life choices, you still need a plan of action to deal with the awkward situation that you now find yourself in. My best advice is to open the doors of communication. Invite your mom to dinner, and explain to her that she can’t expect you to change your sexual behaviors just because you two are roomies. Tell her that if she loves you, she’ll understand that sometimes, you just need to have spontaneous sex in her house, while she’s home. If she can’t deal with that, then she can go ahead and rent you your own place.