Drinking & Dating

10:24 AM Robot Love 1 Comments

We’ve sifted through countless “case studies” (personal experience) and have boiled down the top 7 reasons why you should open up that gullet and chug. 

Puking is a double edged sword… of blessings!! If you open up that pouty little mouth of yours and spew, you are giving your date the perfect opportunity to activate his provider instinct. The provider instinct is a driving force of every male. When you let it blow, he can let it show…that he truly cares for you. If you’re puking all over the place, he has no choice but to care for you, tenderly tucking your hair behind your ears as you honk your guts out.

But just like everything in life, there is another side to puking. Imagine you have successfully captured your prey. You’re back at your place, getting ready to bone, and you can see him sort of swoon. His eyes bulge, his shoulders shrug, he opens his mouth and sticks out his tongue. Your man is about to hurl, and if you ever want him beholden to you, you better spread those legs and let him do his thang. If he spews on you, you can bet that there’s a second date in your future. I mean, he fucking owes you. 

6. Bank Statement

Getting sloppy on your date has a vastly overlooked perk. On a first date, you get to learn whether or not your man is a cheapskate (and whether his grass is “greener” if you know what I mean ;)  ;)~ #benjaminz).

When your waitress comes at you with a bill packed full of bar charges, you make no move. If he pays, he stays, amiright? Paying the bill signifies he values you, much like a man values a prostitute. When he pays, he wants to show you he’s got funds, and can take care of your basic needs. And let’s be honest. If he can’t handle you on a tame night like this, he will not be able to cover your bill on your special day of the week.  

5. Confidence in a Can

So WHAT!? if you just peed on your foot, you looked HOT doing it! When you get trashed on a date, you release your inhibitions, you feel the rain on your skin. When you’re trashed, you could be doing literally anything on a date and he will think you look hot. Which brings me to the next perk on the list:

4. dRuNk GoGgLeZ

Men can’t handle when a girl drinks more than them. It emasculates them. Come again? you say? Well, to put it in terms that your booze addled mind can understand: for every shot you take, your man is compelled to take two.

Something happens when a man drinks. It’s like he can see your inner beauty. His brain reaches a higher state of comprehension as he comfortably views you from behind his drunk goggles. So if you arrive at your date and realize Oops! Forgot to get the brows done!, don’t worry! In a matter of minutes, you will transform from this: 

                         

Into this:

3. Secrets!!

When your man gets drunk, oh boy, watch out!. When boys get drunk, their favorite thing to do is tell secrets and gossip. And the things he will tell you will come in handy later, so make sure you hit rec when he starts to dish. Ask plenty of questions, to make sure you find out all the most important details, like the names and addresses of all the sluts he used to bang. 

2. Flexibility

Alcohol is a pain suppressant. Whenever you wake up from a night of drinking with the galz, you always find some kind of bruise, or scratch, or bone poking out of your leg. You’d think maybe you would remember where these things came from, but you can’t... This is because when you’re drunk, there’s no such thing as pain, and that means you become a yogi for a night.  

When a man sees you sprawled out in front of the toilet, he realizes how many sexy ways that you guys can bump uglies. He becomes a captive to your charms. You are workin’ it, gurl!

1. The sEx-Factor

Let’s face it. Guys are shy. They come up to you, bottom lip quivering, clammy palms cupping your elbow, and it’s all they can do to say, “Did it hurt?...” without crumbling, like a whimpering baby hyena, at your feet.

When you’re drunk, you tend to make choices that make you appear more available, and more sexy. With enough watery beer, even YOU can activate your succulent, shimmering sEx-Factor. 

Get it, grrrrrrllllll